Well hello there folks and thanks for stopping by... I haven't been posting as often as I'd like cause I have been busy housesitting and dog sitting and fish sitting and plant sitting-- whew... it is hard work! Ok really it isnt hard work, I'm fine walking around the house pretending to be July, eating food I didn't pay for, changing channels on the TiVo (I like my adelphia DVR better actually but I digress...) with the hugest big-baller remote control I have ever seen. I literally saw the same remote on MTV cribs, fucking, what is that guy's name, the phat pharm guy... I dont remember, but he has one, but July has 3, and one is broken. I hope I did not break it... beth assures me that it was broken before we got there. High tech man. Five dogs is a little much though, with my two and her two and beth's occasionally it gets a little barky, but I am fairly sure the doggies are having the time of their lives. Someone actually called animal control last week because of the noise. I could imagine them rolling up on July's porch (not poarch, thanks bison) and peering in the window and seeing a house full of ethan allen furnature and 4 pure bread, show quality dogs and one high quality mix (yeah he is high quality, even if he has been hit in the head one too many times and has definately munched his share of stolen 5 bags off of the coffee table while we were rolling our blunts) ah my babies... I came to find out that he called animal control because he is trying to sell his house and thought that dogs barking in the adjacent yard would hinder that... motherfucker, you dont call fucking animal cops for barking-- you walk your fat ass around the fence to see your neighbor and explain the situation, WHICH he did, but yelling over the fence all angry like at me a week after he originally called. Do you know what sicillians do to people who call the cops on them... asshole. I made him feel stupid though because instead of yelling back or hopping the fence and kicking him in the teeth, as my first intention dictated, I WAS sweet and understanding. He appologized for his angry tone. I was stunned, thankyou Mr. Rogers. Good thing beth wasnt there, we would have had fucking dog patrol on the front lawn and the swat team in the back yard.

I miss you guys (I assume that the only people who read this are people I know personally... how wierd would it be if other people read it...) we all have to hang out.

My Gramma turned 80 today. Damn. that is old... amazingly old. congrats gram, not that she reads this, but just the same happy birthday gramma.

murph...grumble...huh? Ah, (stretch) I just woke up from tuesday and we are going to do it all over again... hell yeah. Hancock couldnt make it to 4/20 and so we today will celebrate 4/25 in commemeration of our beloved girl.

Every time I think I am ready for a baby I think of how much our lovely Hancock has had to give up (by way of partying) and I just give her mad props. I dont know how she does it, she is my hero, no joking. Her kids are just so sweet and beautiful and well, properly raised that it is just amazing. I dont know if I could do it, i'm so proud of that girl, proud to know her. Word.

Hello all and happy 4/20... my personal favorite high holy holiday by far ('high holiday' for short.) We definately started out the morning on the right (wing) foot, yelling obsenities and creative suggestions to the one and only George W. BUSH. It all started out at Bobcat's house, where we toked while walking to the protest a few blocks away. As for Georgie, he is such a stupid fucker, and a coward, we found out. He was here in Buffalo to promote the 'patriot act 2' (of all things) and made sure to skirt the protesters by staying a good distance of at least 200 yards away, with nothing more than a glance and a smirk, which should have been a grimace. Wait for November bi-ach. Fucking cowboy. Ludachris for president.

Top 5 Best Signs at the rally:
1) The only bush I trust is my own...
2) Patriot act = police state
3) George Bush face with marker-drawn-on Hitler mustache
4) 'Billionaires for Bush' held by mock rich-ies wearing tux and tails and fur coats, what a riot and finally...
5) Draft the Bush twins first

Top 5 things I found myself screaming in my angry/4:20 state
1) MURDERER! MURDERER!
2) We want to breathe clean air, Mr. President
3) NO MORE BUSH -chanting with the crowd
4) AAAASSHOOOOLE, AAAASSHOOOOLE, AAAASSHOOOOLE -the ever popular buffalo asshole chant a la hockey games at hsbc arena. He definately heard this as he was shaking conservitive hands in our view whilst we sang. and finally and most importantly:
5. LOOK OUT, NEXT TIME THEY ARE GOING TO COUNT THE VOTES

I could really go on and on, my voice is actually gone. Sadly I doubt that he even heard me, but my fellow protestors found me amusing at least (i think.)

Well, it is now time to attend Wench's 4/20-athon...

In the words of W. Uhhh Uhhh bomb em.

I mean, get bombed, smoke bombed that is...

I have to go back to work today. This sucks.

Wanna hear a story? Good. As you might already know, I am watching July's house and dogs while she is in San Antonio buying another house or something. She has two dogs, I have two dogs and Mr. Squeekers was there as well, so there were 5 small dogs running all over the place. I ordered chineese food and then realized I was going to have to open the door when the delivery was made and risk all the dogs running out. I devised a master plan that consisted of tossing each dog a treat when the doorbell rang and hurrying. I heard the knock, tossed the treats and the plan went off without a hitch, excetp for the fact that when I opened the door, noone was there-- the knock was on TV... I could have done this all over again except right then the chineese delivery man arrived and sent the dogs into a tizy that even treats couldnt distract. I opened the door just a crack and out flew twinkie, who luckily just barked and hopped all over the delivery man. I squeezed out the door and slammed it against the other dogs, got my food, my change and my puppy and said good by to the smiling delivery man. I went to re-enter the house when i realized I had, yes, locked myself out. My mind flew into action, I decided I was going to have to toss twinkie over the back fence and jump it myself (i knew that the back door was currently unlocked) and right as I started going down the stairs to complete my plan I realized that I had the keys in my pocket (miraculously.) We all know I would not have cleared the fence. That was my weekend. See you all tomorrow, 4/20.

I cant believe I have to go back to work on monday... and fucking 3:00- close, what the mother fuck? And no, for those taking bets, I have not yet finished cleaning my bedroom.

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Ed. Note: Bobcat informed me that 'Shaggy did not sing that song'... sorry. I am such a fuck-up.

HOPPY EASTER! and now on to dingus day...let me just say my pussy is freshly-dipped-wet and a'ready fer some shanin' and spankin,' if you know what I mean.

I have to clean my bedroom today. I feel like a third grader because I keep coming up with excuses and other things I have to do, but it really needs to be done. I have not even slept in there since at least November when I originally began cleaning it and stacked everything I had in the room onto the bed (so I would take care of it faster, because I would eventually need to sleep, right?) I have been sleeping on the couch ever since. You know that shaggy song 'because I got high...' It really used to make me mad because I thought that smokey-smoking never affected my ability to get my shit taken care of (note: I finished grad school..., I go go fucking work every day etc.) however as of late I have a) not looked for a 'real' job (unless you count browsing the internet and applying, at random, for jobs across the country in cities where I know noone) and have been done with school since December. b) I was gonna clean my room, but then I got high, (PROLIFIC SHAGGY? The irony is killing me) c) I was gonna pay my car note, but then I got high... I have money in the bank to pay my bills but do you think I pay them, no... I just say fuck it at least once a month for any various bill, usually my credit card so that they fucking turn it off on me until I pay like some sort of white trash piece of ... using bill money to buy drugs is bad! Oxycontin is expensive though. (shut up narcs I'm only kidding, I did it twice and weed is better, way better.)

Dear, sweet, jesus... thankyou, on this good friday for dying for my sins-- seriously. NOw on to BusiNess... I am home from Florida, we got in the car at 7 am on wednesday and arrived in not so sunny b-low at 3 am friday.

We stopped in south carolina where I
a) Locked the keys in the car
b) locked all but one of my cigarettes in the car (I have been smoking a lot lately for someone who has quit smoking, mind you) and
c) got the low down from a very agreeable south carolyyyn-er who was walking her pug near the motel 6 in her crazy-short-'silk'-bathrobe-tanktop-and-panties combo, on just how they went about artifically inseminating said pooch... "the male was just too fat he could only thrust two or three times before falling off, and he kept biting her vulva so they ended up just giving him a hand job into a funnel and slipping it inside 'er, Boy she didn like it when they were shaking her upside down to get it all in there..." I did not make this up, ask beth and birdman. She was quite nice really I'm by no means dissing her just telling tale.

(Hmm, yeah I am talking to beth again, but I'm still a little pissed, but fighting is just not worth it, she is like a tsunami.

Things I dont understand about the south...I smell somethin fishy:
1) I wish I would have counted the number of CONFEDERATE flags I saw on the way down... crazy as a motherfucker if you ask me. We all know about my affinity for black men (and women, but not like 'that') and human rights in general so this bothered me greatly.
2) Do the cops ever, say, pull over anyone who is not black or hispanic... Disturbingly, i definately saw one particular gentleman slammed onto the hood of a police car in georgia who was crying like a baby-- i dont know what he did but i wanted to bitch slap the cop fo real. (he was probably a mass murderer for all I know, i should probably just mind my own goddamn business)
3) bumper stickers (how many I saw): "bet you'll vote next time, hippie," (1) Bush/Cheeny 2004, (too many to count, i think they are issued en mass to the people...) confederate flag background "hell yeah i'm a rebel" (1) (read, hell yeah i'm a racist...)
4) Billboards (I'm not going to even mention all the anti-abortion propaganda) 'Uniqueness-- plastic surgery' followed closely by 'Confidence is not a Coincedence-- plastic surgery' and the one that might tip the fucking boat right over... in child's script (seen only by birdman, who almost drove off the road) 'Thank god for George and Jeb Bush' Jesus H. Christ.

Time for my nap now, lots of love-- peace out --oh and please check my newest link, anyone interested in forming a chapter will meet at my house at an agreeable time for a photo shoot, I'm calling on betty in particular here...

Do you know what I hate? Let me write a list, I invite you to add via the commenter:
1. the fact that my florida vacation is over
2. when people dont mind their own business and end up getting mixed up in mine
3. people who think they know better than I do what I should do, think, feel, or say about something
4. long car rides when i'm really sad and pissed off

We leave florida tonight... so sad... so sad. What is sadder is the scary drive home (remember the ride to yuk-yuk's anyone?-- nuff said)

Well folks we made it to Ft. Lauderdale in one piece but not necessarrily in peace if you know what I mean... three sober stoners on a 33 hour car ride is not cool after, say, 25 minutes. We drove through fucking rain, a blizzard and really high winds. It was really not quite as bad as I thought it might be, but if I hear the phrase baby-cakes again even one time on the car ride home I'm gonna intentionally roll the muthafuckin dodge stratus as many times as I can before I black out. I need a barf bag 'fo rual.'

My aunt patty's house is like a resort so I have nothing to complain about on that end at all except for the fact that I, yes, miss my doggies and her cats hate me like a bastard. I hear it is snowing in buffalo which makes me want to slit my wrists... passion of the christ style but I digress. What have I been doing here in southern Florida you ask, let's see, so far I sat by the pool, ate sushi, sat by the pool, ate sushi, sat by the pool, rented a convertable mustang (not my idea) and rolled up and down A1A-- beach front avenue (you try to do this and not sing vanilla ice loudly inside your head, oh the humanity wont someone end my suffering?) and consumed copious amounts of red wine with ice cubes (kinda like the white trash I am... we all know that yes, I was conceived in a trailer do we not...) Yah I can dig this lifestyle. Maybe i'll just stay here. Probably not though. Oh and maybe I should not make this internet public but let me say that I smoked up with someone on this trip that I never thougth I would ever smoke up with... I'm not going to incriminate my elders but wait until I get home to tell the story... for it is a pretty good one.(Bobcat you didnt answer your phone or you too would have gotten in on the action long-distance like...) --word to your mother