I'm going on Vacation, I'm going on Vacation... and if you are jealous, don't be-- I'm going to be stuck in a car with Beth and Paul for like 24 hours both going and coming. No offense to birdman or beth but you know what it can be like in prolonged situations with any couple. It is wierd and uncomfortable in so many different ways. But the trip itself should be a good one. I'm really hesitant to go though, so if you are reading this and I'm dead uh, I knew...(and now you are probably crying if i'm dead, but laugh because I'm funny.) BUT hopefully I will not die. and if I do hopefully I will have finished my trail mix that I bought for the road because it cost me $8. I'm watching last tango in paris on the DVR... I love that fucking thing.

Oh and let me say that I almost just cried and had to really restrain myself-- cry why you ask? AT THE PROSPECT OF LEAVING MY DOGS. What have I become? I just know I'm gonna be one of those mothers who cant think of anything but their children, can speak of nothing else, can do nothing else... oh god the horror. But I really do love my dogs. I'll forget about all the times I ran from the cops while safe on the top porch and about my dreams and just be a breeder bitch. Is that my destiny?

I'm watching 8-mile and doing my taxes on my overpriced yuppie laptop. Someone once refered to my favorite machine as 'macintrash.' This I did not appreciate-- but only in america do we see people fight and take sides over the best operating system for a luxuary device... except maybe in the case of cars and their engines but I already pretty much forgot my point so lets carry on here. I just found out that once again I overdrew my M and T Bank account and have like $120 in bank fees. Just about fucking right-- this means that I'll have -oh- zero dollars to spend until friday, and then after my negative balance is taken care of i'll have maybe enought to buy a used copy of candyland or something from a garage sale in Ft. Lauderdale. Oh and what the fuck am I supposed to wear in Florida, i wear sweaters, cords, and, at starbucks, dickies and five-year-old, chai stained, faded, men's old navy polos... ok ok I bought a white polo shirt but we all know I'll just sit there staring at it and end up wearing my Siouxsie and the Banshees t-shirt for the whole trip. I can't find my bathing suit either, which is an whole other story. I'm so fucking Depressed, yes with a capital D. -- Peace

**Remember, these damn food stamps don't buy diapers**
** If they can add the work (phrase??) 'Bling Bling' to the dictionary cant they subtract the ', as in cant instead of can't... come the fuck on already with that...**

Raise your hand if you have endured a worse clusterfuck (or is it klusterfuc?) than my ill fated trip to NYC. Everything started out well enough, until we actually got to New York. I tried to check into my hotel and found out that fucking HOTELS.COM somehow bought me rooms for the wrong night and we had nowhere to stay. The hotel manager was really nice about it, but said that we'd never find a room anywhere in the city that particular night due to something called 'March Madness.' This 'madness' must have something to do with what went down... must have something to due with the wierd cloud that I was under in Manhattan. (Ok really I think it has something to do with Basket Ball but it's a good analogy) We had to stay in New Jersey ('we' being July and myself, and thankgod she was there because who do you think paid for the hotel room when mine fell through.) We drove through harlem at 1:30 in the morning and they were collecting garbage and it was really noisy. As we all know, the only reason I went to New York,the only reason I let up on my moritorium on 'the city' is that I was going there to meet Julian, my brother. I'm going to Florida on Thursday and am completely broke because of it. So basically, I spent money I didn't have, to go somewhere I had no interest in seeing... and it should have been worth it, it should have been fun, but did it suck... I didn't mind walking around Times Square, I didn't mind central park. What I did mind was paying like $12 to get into the exhibit at the Whitney Museum of Modern Art where I was to meet up with him, only to see him walk toward me nervously, see me, and walk right past me and down the stairs. I could understand if he got nervous, I mean I was seriously nervous too but fuck we were both there, bite the fucking bullet. It is not like this meeting was my idea. He said 'meet me in new york this weekend, no seriously' I thought it was very cool. We even talked on the phone just before, and then nothing. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to think of this, the way it all turned out. I like to think he got nervous but what if he just fucking decided I didnt look worth talking to or didnt like what I was wearing or something. I hope he has some sort of explanation for me, if I decide to talk to him again, if he decides to talk to me again.

So basically let me end by thanking July for going with me because otherwise I'd have slept in my grand am in harlem by myself and then had the preceeding weekend... good night gracie

I cleaned my house today... or we cleaned our house or whatever--I can't believe it has been kept up since christmas. Anyone who had seen my house pre-christmas 2003 understands the feat that this is. In the TV show of my life the guy in the front of the audience will be holding up the APPLAUSE sign right now.

I can't wait to have some nice (smokey) summer nights on the poarch again. (Birdman is in my presence right now and he is rapping along with 2-Pac on the stereo...woa.) The weather is getting nice again. Maybe we could soon be making wax sculptures again out of old melted candles.

Someone offered me a free shi-tzu today. I can't have another dog living in my apartment but maybe you can... if anyone (who knows me) wants it, let me know, and I'll see if my friend will give it to you instead of me. I mean, I want it of course but lets don't be silly.

!Bombs over Baghdad! I'm about to go to 'partner 40 fun night' where me and some other baristas will drink 40 ouncers at brendon's house. It should be cool although I have to still pack for my mini-trip NYC. I will be so pissed off if this doesn't turn out right... the trip, not partner 40 fun night.

Oh yeah let me officially give props to Bobcat and Flippin Wench for being cool and reading this here blogg- ya'll rock!

My mom keeps nagging me to give her a suitcase to take on her trip to Florida. I'd have given it to her a week ago when she asked but since she made the point that she is going to have to air it out (as if i let my dogs shit in it) she isn't getting it until tomorrow. Seriously, what the fuck?

Dolla dolla bills yall-- talk to you later

I cleaned my house today... or we cleaned our house or whatever--I can't believe it has been kept up since christmas. Anyone who had seen my house pre-christmas 2003 understands the feat that this is. In the TV show of my life the guy in the front of the audience will be holding up the APPLAUSE sign right now.

I can't wait to have some nice (smokey) summer nights on the poarch again. (Birdman is in my presence right now and he is rapping along with 2-Pac on the stereo...woa.) The weather is getting nice again. Maybe we could soon be making wax sculptures again out of old melted candles.

Someone offered me a free shi-tzu today. I can't have another dog living in my apartment but maybe you can... if anyone (who knows me) wants it, let me know, and I'll see if my friend will give it to you instead of me. I mean, I want it of course but lets don't be silly.

!Bombs over Baghdad! I'm about to go to 'partner 40 fun night' where me and some other baristas will drink 40 ouncers at brendon's house. It should be cool although I have to still pack for my mini-trip NYC. I will be so pissed off if this doesn't turn out right... the trip, not partner 40 fun night.

Oh yeah let me officially give props to Bobcat and Flippin Wench for being cool and reading this here blogg- ya'll rock!

My mom keeps nagging me to give her a suitcase to take on her trip to Florida. I'd have given it to her a week ago when she asked but since she made the point that she is going to have to air it out (as if i let my dogs shit in it) she isn't getting it until tomorrow. Seriously, what the fuck?

Dolla dolla bills yall-- talk to you later

So today I made a decision that I had heretofore said I would never make... Yes folks, (those of you who know me well will maybe be shocked, maybe call me a sell-out) I am going to New York City. I know I have said for years that I would never go there because (among other reasons) of the haughty-ness of the folks who live there calling it merely 'the city.' I know I have ranted and raved about this but fear not, I have a good reason. (Please dont judge me/ ha/ha/ha)

No for real tho I'm going to NYC this weekend to meet my brother for the first time. No noone had a baby-- he's 31 or something, we have just been, I dont know, estranged like, forever. BUT no longer.

I can't believe it!! I added commenter and track back to my blog with no help from anyone-- oh happy day...

Are you sure you want to delete this post?

cha-cha-cha-changes. This is the first time in my life that I have had nothing whatsoever to do with myself. I graduated and have yet to find, or particularly look for, a 'real' job so I'm pretty much languishing at starbucks and hating it like a bastard. I have a relatively non existent love life, (which normally is fine with me because how can I concentrate on anyone but me, duh??) but since I'm super bored I'm thinking like, a regular lay could be nice... or at least some decent conversation with someone who I don't share DNA and an apartment with. I think maybe I'll just hop in the car and disappear for a while. I was going to move to San Antonio with my best friend but I had a nightmare about getting the death penalty for having an abortion... (note to readers, Angelator has never had an abortion, nor has she recieved the death penalty...) I pay close attention to my dreams, and this one obviously means that if I move to Texas I will die an untimely death amongst conservative rednecks-- not cool.

What does everyone think about dating someone you work with? It seems to me that although it is against the rules, since I have nothing but contempt for the green apron lately (due to boredom and the unfair firing of my sister) I should throw caution to the wind and just fuck the person I'm talking about, honestly though I dont want to sleep with him but get to know him. And that is scary because usually things feel really different. I don't honestly know if he likes me like that though... maybe we are just friends? We have good talks. I find myself worrying that the person in question might read this so I need to change subjects.

I'm thinking that yes, I need to run away and sort out my head... talk to you all soonz



  

Oh, and today is the 16th birthday of my little cousin James... I remember how much I loved him when he was born and how exciting it was to have a baby around and it scares me to realize how much time has past...

`Ahhh do you feel relieved yet? No? read on...

I just gave Theodore a lick of my icecream. Theodore, for those of you who dont know, is not my boyfriend or my son, but my dog. Some might say that is gross but what can I say, he was a very good boy today and he loves icecream. I sometimes wonder when we share a little ben and jerry's if he wished I'd give him his own spoon so he doesn't get my germs. I'm sure that's not the case though, because he, like I said really loves icecream. My other dog loves coffee, yes I realize, an unconventional treat for a dog... I dont put it in his water dish or nuthin' he usually sneaks a lick or two when the coffee gets cold and we abandon it on the end table. The other night he woke up at like 4:30 in the morning and drank about 3 ounces of cold hazlenut flavored "Starbucks Kenya" and fucking ran around the house for like 2 days at top speed. I couldn't even slow him down let alone restrain him. I wanted to put him in his kennel but feared the scene would turn ugly and resemble a rat running around inside a ball... Please, if you will, imagine me chasing my 3lb puppy around my apartment in the dark, still st*ned from the night before, wacking my leg on my asian inspired ugly ass coffee table wearing one of my three identical sabres fleece hoodies and bright blue bat pajama pants, with the fly open mind you, because, gentlemen maybe you can help me here, how the fuck do you button that stupid fucking button into that flap! I knew I should have stayed out of the mens section. I hope the caffiene doesn't stunt his growth too much. But I digress, my icecream is melting and I should probably go...