`Ahhh do you feel relieved yet? No? read on...

I just gave Theodore a lick of my icecream. Theodore, for those of you who dont know, is not my boyfriend or my son, but my dog. Some might say that is gross but what can I say, he was a very good boy today and he loves icecream. I sometimes wonder when we share a little ben and jerry's if he wished I'd give him his own spoon so he doesn't get my germs. I'm sure that's not the case though, because he, like I said really loves icecream. My other dog loves coffee, yes I realize, an unconventional treat for a dog... I dont put it in his water dish or nuthin' he usually sneaks a lick or two when the coffee gets cold and we abandon it on the end table. The other night he woke up at like 4:30 in the morning and drank about 3 ounces of cold hazlenut flavored "Starbucks Kenya" and fucking ran around the house for like 2 days at top speed. I couldn't even slow him down let alone restrain him. I wanted to put him in his kennel but feared the scene would turn ugly and resemble a rat running around inside a ball... Please, if you will, imagine me chasing my 3lb puppy around my apartment in the dark, still st*ned from the night before, wacking my leg on my asian inspired ugly ass coffee table wearing one of my three identical sabres fleece hoodies and bright blue bat pajama pants, with the fly open mind you, because, gentlemen maybe you can help me here, how the fuck do you button that stupid fucking button into that flap! I knew I should have stayed out of the mens section. I hope the caffiene doesn't stunt his growth too much. But I digress, my icecream is melting and I should probably go...