So lately I have had to deal with a lot of changes in my life. New job, new 'hometown.' Welcome as some of these changes were, it doesn’t mean they were totally easy. I love my new apartment! It is truly wonderful to have some space and time to myself, not to mention the only ones I have to clean up after are myself, and the dogs. The biggest mess they ever make is knocking over a garbage can or something so I don’t have much to worry about. I now live in a city that is even smaller and shittier than Buffalo. I never thought I’d move away from Buffalo and my friends and family for a step down, but ta-da, here I am. I’m sure I’ll have some fun but so far I haven’t found much to do but shop, and since I haven’t worked in a month I haven’t been paid in a month, so I am really broke! I think I have $34 in my savings and maybe $55 in my checking. A mere 3 months ago I literally had $10,000 in savings, but then I paid off my credit cards (mostly) and paid my first months rent and a $700 security deposit so, yeah, I’m broke as a joke, to use a much over used euphemism. I hate having no money. (Insert mushy music here:) I grew up so poor that I promised myself that I would never let that happen to me and my kids. I knew that when I grew up I would a) never have a baby before I was financially sound, and b) save, save, save and be smart about investing. I decided all this when I was perhaps 11 years old. I have been saving ever since. Maybe it is good for me to see what it is like to be financially vulnerable. I don’t like it—not even for two weeks. I have literally never borrowed money from my mother that I didn’t pay back in a week. I bought all my own books in college (and some of my sisters too sometimes…) I like being independent and financially sound. I don’t like being stressed out, I don’t like having to think and think before I buy stuff.
I am still looking forward to moving to Los Angeles and being ‘famous,’ but in all honesty if I don’t stay here for at least the rest of this school year and next year, I can’t even put this job on a resume. I think I will feel better once I know my way around and such. Not to say that I am feeling bad, I am quite enjoying myself for the time being, but after 2 weeks or so I am already getting kinda bored, so I can only imagine what is coming in that department. I sort of feel like one of those assholes that comes from “the city” to go to school at UB and tells anyone who will listen how much Buffalo sucks. Syracuse isn’t that bad, it just isn’t spectacular and thus, since it also isn’t home I’m not that enthusiastic about living here for 18 months. My apartment complex does have a pool though, so perhaps that will be Syracuse’s saving grace in my book.
Perhaps solitary Angela will even have to go out on a limb and make a few friends or gasp, start dating someone. I think I hate dating because I hate considering other peoples feelings. That sounds really bad, but I suppose I don’t mean it like it sounds… I just want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and I don’t like considering what does or doesn’t work in that equation for anyone other than me. I am not selfish, really, just not into working at relationships. I have to find a good-looking retard I can control… just kidding. I hate retards. Just kidding, I love retards, just not like that. I am finding, however, that I no longer am content with hooking up so eventually something will have to change. I really don’t want to get AIDS. That is the lingering reason. The up front reason is that it is no longer satisfying. I need to kick someone’s ass around the bedroom for a few months for a change, instead of, you know, once, and see how that goes. God, I hate to say it but the Dominatrix thing isn’t even that interesting lately. Maybe it is because I’m a goddamn guidance counselor?