Wow it has been almost a month since my last post. Sorry about that (to anyone still bothering to check...) Lots has been going on so let me update you. I just heated up a cup of coffee from yesterday so I'm all ready to talk to you all now. (the starbucks gods are cringing)

First of all let me say Merry Christmas. I hope everyone spent theirs in a fashion similar to my own, smoking a blunt singing old school rap karaoke-style with Bobcat, Birdman and Bison. It was nice to all be stoned together again, like old times. It sucks that we have to grow up, and not smoke daily anymore... I mean I have not reached that point yet of course but some of us have. And for the record, things just aint the same since youve been gone Wench (can I still say wench?) (I'm hearing Wierd Al singing 'since youve been gone, its like chewing on tin foil...hmm where did that come from?) I got a table for Christmas. Now when I buy my house I'll have a table and a laptop and a few dishes and a lot of coffee to stock inside it. Oh and dog crates, dont forget dog crates and hair products. But the table is nice. I might have hurt birdmans feelings though because he wanted to put it together and I said no because I wanted to stain it first...I just didnt want him to have to go throught the trouble twice...

A few days ago I got a call from my father asking for a ride. Anyone who has met my dad is already laughing/cringing. He was a bit out of it, as usual (think Ozzy Osbourne on methadone with no Sharon, no money, no small dogs and a lot more mumbo jumbo mumbeling.) I said I had to work (a lie) and he said it was pretty important. I said OK. I called my mom and she was like 'oh yeah he said something about getting a ride to rehab this week sometime, make sure you get the keys to his apartment.' I was like What The Fuck? If you were asing your daughter for a ride to rehab would you not maybe mention in on the phone...first. Anyway I made my mom come with me, and she was not too pleased to be there either but she has the knack of being damn nasty with a frosting of nice so it doesnt sound mean till you think about it, so she was a necessary addition to the car ride to ECMC. During said ride he made me park in a bus stop so he could unload and the bus almost tore off my door and my dad went all 70's gangster on the driver saying things like 'thanks man' all sarcastically. I was amused until I realized that the last time he checked (ie the last time he lead a sober life) that was the socially acceptable way to address the situation 'hey man, I'm a hippie man, dont run my door over friend, smoke with us instead dude...' and when that didnt work he went seventies ape on him, 'fuck you friend, are you happy running me man?' Not cool. Oh and also, he was drunk... he was worried they wouldn't take him otherwise, I dont think there is any question whether they would have taken him mkay? So I am guessing that he spent his christmas in a hoodie and tube socks sitting in a circle with 12 other 'heavy drinkers' wondering what went wrong. Please Gd save me from this fate. I am still wondering why I gave him my phone number when I answered the phone at my grandmothers house on Thanksgiving expecting it to be her sister. I should maybe have pretended to be the answering machine like usual, but I digress.

Beep, beep, beep, beep this just in... It is the day after christmas and Apollo, Mr. Squeekers, Theodore and Twinkie are alone with me in the house. Apollo being Birdmans 80 lb dog that doesnt usually come over but was here because it was christmas. So while I was blogging, I heard a thump. Luckily I checked it out. Apollo had pushed open the kitchen door and knocked over the garbage looking for food. When he didnt find any there he checked the fridge. I dont know how he got in there,but all I have to say is that he likes Aunt Kristin's ranch bread bowl dip and basket cheese. Oh and Mr. Squeekers shit under the dining room table, probably because he couldnt have any cheese. I should have known this would happen. I was still asleep on the love seat (where i have slept since April? May?) when Bison and Birdman left,and had to rise and chase the dogs out of my mothers house (down stairs) because not only did Apollo open the kitchen door, but his 'dad' or 'step mom' (bison is the step mom of a dog... he he) left the fucking door open that leads to the hall and ultimately outside. Luckily that door was closed since, was wearing nothing but flannel pj's with a hole so big in the crotch that I'm even embarassed to wear them when home alone... and socks. Could you just imagine me in my unbrushed hair flashing my nonnie to all the people on their way into church across the street in 12 inches of snow chasing 3 small, and one giant dog with out my glasses on, the day after christmas. I would have make the newspaper, I know it. I knew I should have gone to brunch with them afterall.